Monday, January 08, 2007

We have been discovered!!

Yes, the jig is up and the cat is out of the bag as Jason Cherniak has discovered the existence of our great right wing Blogging Tory conspiracy and our "campaign to assassinate the good character of St├ęphane Dion". There is no use in going to Code Level Blue, which has worked so well in the past to cover our tracks, because some of our fellow bloggers have already started to sing like canary's about our little secret.

So my co-conspirators I ask you this. Do we get upset and whine about it, or do we decide that it is time for action and do our best to figure out how we were discovered? I say we find out what went wrong, correct the problems, and work harder together so next time our evil plans can be carried through to their RIGHTful conclusions. The Hotline at Blogging Tory HQ has been ringing off the hook today with possible theories as to how we were discovered, and as a public service I will bring a few of these theories forward.

First off I think that it is safe to say that our encrypted communications remain secure. For example when the Khan floor crossing was confirmed to all of us in the memo just before Christmas, it wasn't revealed to the world until Steven got the go ahead from HQ on January 4th. There was some worry as to how Scott Reid found out about it in advance, but considering that Dion didn't have a clue it has been dismissed as just another case of Scott Reid just making stuff up as he goes along.

There was some worry that perhaps our secret handshake has been compromised as well after that famous incident last fall at the conspiracy conference in Banff when Kate had a little too much to drink and started shooting at Chucker when he made that comment about potholes in Saskatchewan. Wow, that RCMP Constable never knew what to think when Giuliano Zaccardelli and Vic Toews showed up in person and let Kate out of jail. I have it on good authority that even though the handshakes took place in public, those that witnessed it have been permanently relocated.

Another theory is that during the annual fishing trip this year that a certain group of our members were spotted together and security was compromised. To refresh some of your memories it was just after Loyola Hearn was again bragging about getting the largest fish of the day, when General Hillier and Gordon O'Conner grabbed some of those 'fishing' grenades and started lobbing them at Stock on his jet ski. In all the confusion it was appears only Jarrett noticed the guy paddling in the canoe on the other side of the bay with the cheesy looking porn mustache. This one has some possibilities and requires more investigation.

My own theory was that we were compromised during the summer at the function Craig Smith
held in late July. If you remember it was later in the evening after the indoctrination sessions for us new bloggers had taken place when Pierre Bourque gave us the news that the hot tub was out of order as somehow there were a couple of bikini tops stuck in the hot tubs plumbing. So far so good, but when the unionised plumber showed up in a smart car instead of an old Chevy van I think some questions should have been asked. I do not want to be harsh and I am not blaming Joanne, Sarah, Ruth, Carolyn, or any of the other ladies who were present that day as it was not their fault, but just because Peter Mackay was tossing out Mardi Gras beads again is not a reason to lose your composure and potentially cause a break down in security.

I do hope this security situation gets resolved as quickly as possible, as we were just about to unveil phase 2 of our plan. I have been informed that the 'compromising' pictures of Peter Mansbridge have now been photo shopped correctly, unlike the famous Christmas picture, and we will now have the CBC completely in our pockets.

For those out there that doubt what I have just written is true, I swear on my fathers grave that there is as much truth in this post as there is in the conspiracy theory itself.



bert said...

I beleive you.I checked everything you wrote in hansard,and also PM Harpers Christmas card.The only thing that i couldnt quite find out and prove about the article was,is the kitten neutered??

Ardvark said...

Shhh, the kitten was spayed. It i part of the evil conspiracy against females. Damnit man, read the memos!!