Saturday, January 19, 2008

Mayor Miller calls for a ban on private vehicles in Toronto

Top Stories: January 18, 2011

Toronto: Mayor Miller today called on the majority Harper government to ban driving and the private ownership of automobiles in the City of Toronto. "There is no reason for any citizen to drive a vehicle within the City of Toronto". Miller said, "It is a crime to the environment and upon every last breathing creature on the earth to do anything else but take the TTC,"adding later that "We have spent billions of tax payer dollars on the TTC to save you from having to feel the guilt of driving."

Critics of the plan, upon having had their criticism scrutinized and approved for publication by the Ontario Human Rights Commission, noted that the excess costs could bankrupt the federal government which currently pays for approximately 90% percent of the GTA budget. "We cannot expect everyone in the country to pay for the utopia that we all know is Toronto." said a spokesman for the critics, being careful to note that at no time did he bring up the issue of private ownership rights as that would be against progressive thinking and be wrong.

Miller quickly shot back that because of the cost savings to the average auto owning citizen; his plan would free up about $500 extra dollars a month that could now be taxed to pay for the added expenses. Miller proudly exclaimed, "The people will be happy to pay extra money if it means they no longer have to worry about driving or the environmental damage they are causing." A consensus of economists praised the idea and supported the mayors numbers citing that $6000 is actually much less than what your average car owner pays in a year for the privilege of driving. "There is plenty of room there for even more taxes."

Calgary: Ezra Levant was denied parole today after he again refused to admit to the thought crimes he was convicted for in 2008. According to witnesses at the hearing, just before Mr Levant was carried away by prison guards for refusing to comply he gave a nasty tongue lashing to members of the parole board saying that they................


Joanne (True Blue) said...

Absolutely brilliant!!!

Anonymous said...

I saw the headline and thought it was real :-)

Spitfire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spitfire said...

(correcting bad spelling)

I saw the headline, and thought, that can't be real....then again, it's Miller.

2011 Miller time?

Joanne (True Blue) said...

How about a ban on knives?

Why is Miller silent on this crime?

Can he find no one to blame?

Anonymous said...

A brilliant post, to be sure. The odd thing is, Mayor Miller may yet get his wish about no one driving private vehicles in Toronto, though not in the way he expects: At the rate things are going in Toronto, hardly anyone will live there by choice in three years. Between punishing new tax hikes, rapidly escalating crime, crumbling infrastructure, and the manifest incompetence of David Miller's left-wing Toronto City Council, the kind of hollowing-out that had been feared for many U.S. cities is becoming a reality for Toronto, as more and more Torontonians flee the city for the comparative sanity of the suburbs. I hope Mayor Miller enjoys the balance of his time at the helm of what is certain to become a rapidly shrinking city.